Once upon a time,
On the Internet there was a guy.
A very deeply flawed man,
They called him Eric Bauman.
He was a total asshole
And nobody knows why.
He travelled all around
On the pulse of each phenomenon,
From Something Awful on to Fark
With his trusty watermark;
He stole and stuck it all upon
Ebaumsworld.com.
It wasn't fair
To those from whom he stole,
But did he care?
No, not one bit.
And then he had the nads
To sell some ads.
What a piece of shit.
Oh, Eric.
Eric's quite a slut;
Other people's work has made him rich.
He hired some male prostitutes.
Dressed them up three-piece suits.
His faithful team of lawyers
Made the Internet his bitch.
‘Til Lowtax came along,
Punched him in the face and banged his mom.
And Mr. Bauman, quite disgraced,
Had his dumb website erased.
Well, sadly that's a lie,
There's still an Ebaumsworld.com.
But if we all join hands
And sing this song,
Then our call will reach the sky,
And maybe Zeus and Thor
Will smite that whore.
I think it's worth a try.
Oh, Ebaumsworld is going down.
We gotta rise up from the underground
And tell Eric Bauman a thing or two
‘Bout how stealing simply isn't cool.
So right now we're making that our mission,
And if the bastard doesn't listen,
We'll get sick of being lawful
And brand his ass with “SOMETHING AWFUL.”
